I don't know if it's the fact that my birthday's coming up in 10 days or I'm just having emotional tendencies these days but I just feel a little sad. Last week, my uncle arrived from US. I was very excited to meet him again, finally after almost 7 years. It's been a usual tendency for me to be close to guys because I never really had a father and so I was really close to him, he was even the one who took care of me back in Kindergarten. He would cook for me, wake me up, take me to school. I even remember that one night when I was scared of the heavy rain and worried of my mom, we didn't have anything to eat so he braved the way to the market and bought something for us. It's just sad when you see someone after 7 years and you just feel afraid because it feels like you don't know them anymore.

Last time, I tweeted something that says, "Dear God, thank you for giving me a very wonderful birthday party last year. This year, I don't really wish for anything extravagant, really. I just hope that my tito would get better and feel that he's loved." I just want him to feel better again. It hurts me that I couldn't do anything for a person who is just so important to me. When he still had his job, he payed for my fees in Highschool, even offered to give me allowance when I was in first year. I just can't stand the fact that I'm here and no matter what I do and how much I wanted to help him, there are just things which you can't do by yourself or you aren't meant to give the solutions.

I put up a business actually because I wanted to buy something for myself on my birthday. I just don't want to burden my mother anymore with things that I want and stuff like that because I know she's having a hard time already. Last week, I saw her cry twice and it's just that fuckry feeling creeping over you that says, 'oh your mom is crying do something' and I just can't do anything. In fact, most of the time, I am even the one giving her all this shit to think about. Like when I stay up late outside or I don't go home and litter everywhere or when I smoke and drink all night. I know I can be really vicious sometimes but it's not too late to improve my life and do something worth doing for once. Sometimes, I feel guilty for spending nights with friends, spending my allowance with all these good-life things, while my mother works and tries her hardest to keep track of the family's expenses. Before, it was only the two of us, what more now, now that my uncle's already staying here. I just feel bad. I couldn't even bare to realize how bad am I of a daughter. How can I stand doing what I am doing everyday and seeing on the other side of the picture that someone works so hard for me and I am not helping to ease all the stress? Sometimes a question creeps over me that shouts inside my head, 'Why can't I wait to spend all the money I want once I already have a job?' My father's brother always tells me that I shall wait and I'll have a taste of good life soon, why do I have to be the one imposing that to myself considering the fact that I'm still a student and I don't have money of my own yet. I want to stop being this happy-go-lucky person and just try being responsible. I want to start saving up money for the little things, and maybe even after a while when I finally learn how it works then I can save up for a tour to Europe and all those countries I want to visit and enjoy myself with. It all starts with the little things. If I succeed with this, who knows...

I don't want to stop having the good life, I mean it's great that I get to spend dinners with my friends or some Saturdays going everywhere and just chilling as if you don't have anything to think about, I love to hang out, I really do. I remember when I was still in highschool and together with my friends, we'll go out and do some shit together. Spend our money on arcades, food, anything under the sun. But I am not the princess I want to be yet and it'll take more time. I don't have the luxury yet to bathe in a tub full of rose petals and hot aroma, it's just not me yet. And to be honest, even if I want to, it might take me years to experience that. I'm not hurrying. Contrary to what they say, 'do what you can while you can' well I say there's a time for everything. Life is too good to hurry, if I am lucky then God will let me enjoy all those things in time. If I'm not, then maybe I'm just meant to stop there. I have no regrets still because I have the most precious luxury of having a great family and fun friends.

So, what's next? I say I'll start saving up tomorrow & maybe even dieting seriously. I'm tired of all the things people say to you because you're fat, I want to prove them wrong and do it. I've never been up to challenges but this could be a good thing. Happy first day of February, everyone! And happy first 2011 post for my blog. Goodnight! Oh, good morning.

I don't know if it's the fact that my birthday's coming up in 10 days or I'm just having emotional tendencies these days but I just feel a little sad. Last week, my uncle arrived from US. I was very excited to meet him again, finally after almost 7 years. It's been a usual tendency for me to be close to guys because I never really had a father and so I was really close to him, he was even the one who took care of me back in Kindergarten. He would cook for me, wake me up, take me to school. I even remember that one night when I was scared of the heavy rain and worried of my mom, we didn't have anything to eat so he braved the way to the market and bought something for us. It's just sad when you see someone after 7 years and you just feel afraid because it feels like you don't know them anymore.

Last time, I tweeted something that says, "Dear God, thank you for giving me a very wonderful birthday party last year. This year, I don't really wish for anything extravagant, really. I just hope that my tito would get better and feel that he's loved." I just want him to feel better again. It hurts me that I couldn't do anything for a person who is just so important to me. When he still had his job, he payed for my fees in Highschool, even offered to give me allowance when I was in first year. I just can't stand the fact that I'm here and no matter what I do and how much I wanted to help him, there are just things which you can't do by yourself or you aren't meant to give the solutions.

I put up a business actually because I wanted to buy something for myself on my birthday. I just don't want to burden my mother anymore with things that I want and stuff like that because I know she's having a hard time already. Last week, I saw her cry twice and it's just that fuckry feeling creeping over you that says, 'oh your mom is crying do something' and I just can't do anything. In fact, most of the time, I am even the one giving her all this shit to think about. Like when I stay up late outside or I don't go home and litter everywhere or when I smoke and drink all night. I know I can be really vicious sometimes but it's not too late to improve my life and do something worth doing for once. Sometimes, I feel guilty for spending nights with friends, spending my allowance with all these good-life things, while my mother works and tries her hardest to keep track of the family's expenses. Before, it was only the two of us, what more now, now that my uncle's already staying here. I just feel bad. I couldn't even bare to realize how bad am I of a daughter. How can I stand doing what I am doing everyday and seeing on the other side of the picture that someone works so hard for me and I am not helping to ease all the stress? Sometimes a question creeps over me that shouts inside my head, 'Why can't I wait to spend all the money I want once I already have a job?' My father's brother always tells me that I shall wait and I'll have a taste of good life soon, why do I have to be the one imposing that to myself considering the fact that I'm still a student and I don't have money of my own yet. I want to stop being this happy-go-lucky person and just try being responsible. I want to start saving up money for the little things, and maybe even after a while when I finally learn how it works then I can save up for a tour to Europe and all those countries I want to visit and enjoy myself with. It all starts with the little things. If I succeed with this, who knows...

I don't want to stop having the good life, I mean it's great that I get to spend dinners with my friends or some Saturdays going everywhere and just chilling as if you don't have anything to think about, I love to hang out, I really do. I remember when I was still in highschool and together with my friends, we'll go out and do some shit together. Spend our money on arcades, food, anything under the sun. But I am not the princess I want to be yet and it'll take more time. I don't have the luxury yet to bathe in a tub full of rose petals and hot aroma, it's just not me yet. And to be honest, even if I want to, it might take me years to experience that. I'm not hurrying. Contrary to what they say, 'do what you can while you can' well I say there's a time for everything. Life is too good to hurry, if I am lucky then God will let me enjoy all those things in time. If I'm not, then maybe I'm just meant to stop there. I have no regrets still because I have the most precious luxury of having a great family and fun friends.

So, what's next? I say I'll start saving up tomorrow & maybe even dieting seriously. I'm tired of all the things people say to you because you're fat, I want to prove them wrong and do it. I've never been up to challenges but this could be a good thing. Happy first day of February, everyone! And happy first 2011 post for my blog. Goodnight! Oh, good morning.